I didn't shave. On purpose
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
