I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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