I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
