Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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