Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The power of my boobs compel you
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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