I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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