Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
