Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
