Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
