My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
