the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
