I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
