dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She bit a glass in half.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
