we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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