Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
