the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He passed out mid-signature
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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