I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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