Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
