Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
