clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
