So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
