I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
