it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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