i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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