his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
