doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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