It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
