Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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