I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
