It's like a parade of train wrecks.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
