He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
