I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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