He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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