Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dear god my vagina.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
