My first STD was from a foam party
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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