Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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