Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
