Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
