you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
