Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I smell like Dick and happiness
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
