Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
