I just saw a hot homeless man
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Someone signed my nipple.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
