They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I am one with the molecules
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
