Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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