i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
