U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
