Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
