could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
