i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
