Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
